What if we want to be alone?

An open letter for those that don’t wish to date or to be in a relationship

We keep bumping into great articles (and others not so great) on how relationships are awesome, in regards to falling in love, how to cope with falling out of love, and how to get back on the dating game.

Image taken from here.

But what if we want nothing to do with that? What if we just want to be by ourselves and we are not the least inclined to date, let alone to start a relationship? What if we are happy with being just by ourselves and to have fun with friends?

Don't get me wrong! I've dated before. Some dates went well, some did not.

And, yes, I've been in relationships before.

But, for quite a while, I've been feeling like I am focused on myself, my well-being, my personal growth and development, and I don't have emotional availability to have someone else in my life.

I don't want to feel obliged to spend time with someone, to go out and do whatever with them, and it would not be fair for that person to be in a relationship with me and be alone all the time because I'd rather be doing something else than spending time with that person.

I want to do things for myself that make me happy, I want to achieve goals of my own, learn music, write, read, and not having to put up with other people’s expectations and demands.

I don’t want to worry about having to make room for someone else in my life, when I just want to care for myself.

You may think that I am being egotistical? Perhaps I am. But this is how I feel, and I am not changing to please someone else other than myself. And until that change comes (should it ever come), this is how it’s going to be.

And I know so many others in the same mind frame! We just want to have fun, to live our lives on our own terms, to revel in our alone time with our chosen activities.

But there is this social pressure to start dating (even some friends pressure us to start dating) that makes us feel awkward, weird, like we're doing something wrong.

My friends, allow me to share with you my 2 cents: we are not doing something wrong. We are following our hearts, and that is perfectly fine!

It does not matter if we don't want to date now, or if we don't ever want to date!

It's our lives we are talking about, and we should be happy living them (as long as it's consensual and we're harming none), and we should be free to live them the way we want to!

Image taken from here.

I don't mind being weird: I know I am, I've made my peace with being weird, and I've come to cherish my weirdness dearly – I could never be happy without my weirdness.

We are the way we are, and we don't have to live in a grey world where everyone is the same, and think alike.

Be yourself, be happy the way it feels right to you. Don't be afraid to be called weird for not wanting to date.

If you want to date, go on dates.

If you don't want to date, then don't.

Either way, we are all normal within our own standards, and it is perfectly ok to live our lives as we see fit.